Why does life get harder after quitting the narcissistic?

Are you blaming yourself after narcissistic abuse?

“It’s over. I feel like my life is going to end soon”

This is what most of the survivors of narcissistic abuse feel, all the time. 

Quitting a narcissistic is one of the best forms of self-love and self-respect that you can offer yourselves. There are times when you are bound to feel guilty about leaving them behind. Then, remember, you never wanted to leave in the first place, they compelled you to do so. 

Why me? Why do I end up feeling so horrible at the end of the day?

This is what I feel till date after quitting the most toxic person in my life. I was numb for most of the time when I got my freedom back. Sound sleep. Family and friends back. 

What are the invisible effects of narcissistic abuse?

For months after months, I spend my time adjusting to the new people, environment and the gradual change of people around me in my circle. I thought initially, they loved me, then I started to isolate myself. This is the first sign of your childhood that has been burdened with years and years of neglect instead of support. Here are few of the signs that you can resonate as well:

• Isolation : In case of distress and illness, you tend to distance yourself from the people surrounding you. In my case, I follow the same thing till date. Back at home, no one was there to hold my hands during the storms instead they left me alone to survive it. Results? Depression, anxiety and loneliness. 

• Trust Issues: If you ever live with a narcissist for years waiting for them to change in the first place, it is inevitable to lose your trust. Be it your family or your friends, you are always going to question yourself whether trusting them is the right thing or not. You lose trust in the process without knowing it.

• Pushing your loved ones away: With isolation and trust issues, you are pushing people away. You are questioning whether they really want your well-being or not. In some cases, your loved ones may try for reconciliation or ask you to forgive them. But, is it truly what you want?

In real life, there are a handful of people who can put themselves in your shoes without actually fitting in it. Know those are the ones to preserve. 

• Rushing into a relationship: After quitting the toxic person and all its mutual acquaintances, life may fill you with a hope that someday, a person will come and fix everything. A prince charming with a shining armour. A dad with infinite love for you. A mother with unconditional selflessness. 

  The greatest thing in life is after quitting the toxic environment, you won't get everything good. It all depends on your choices. You can either choose to blind yourself in the dream world or you can take each step with caution. The ultimate choice is yours. The world is only there to advise. 

• Inability to sustain a job: When you start to take your responsibilities, the financial strain also comes to you. It is what happens when you are new to the world and its ways. Your job becomes a nightmare , as years of abuse taught you about being not good enough or worthy enough. 

  No matter how hard you work, the feeling of unworthiness makes you doubt yourself at each and every step. This results in losing job opportunities. 

• Suicidal Tendancies: Life turns out to be a turmoil after quitting the narcissistic. With financial issues and the void created with distance makes your life further difficult. It feels like burning every time with no water to put it down. 

However, you have quitted the narcissistic to love, not die in the process of finding yourself. 

What is the reality now? 

“Don’t ever look back into the past. Don’t ever wish for a better life with a person who has hurt you in such extremes. Don’t ever think that life would have been better. In reality, life is better now.”

It is the only reality to accept but it is true. An unfiltered truth. Cut all your ties with them, Go no-contact. Don’t react. Don’t respond. This is the ultimate way to get your freedom and peace back. 

Only you are the one who can end your own suffering now. No amount of guilt or regret is going to change what took place in your life. 

Let us have a look at some of the positive aspects of post-narcissistic recovery journey:

• Peace and Freedom: When constant fights, guilt, and manipulation is no longer a part of your life, you start to find yourself in peace. Everything is as it should be. You wake up, do your work, enjoy your free time and go to sleep. No more rumination. No more overthinking or questioning yourself. 

• Physical ailments disappear: During the times of extreme psychological manipulation, there were times, when I could not survive without headache for years. I was in a rut as if my ears caught fire with a little bit of loud noise. Now, I can use my headphones. I eat for two-three times a day instead of one meal a day. What can I do? My stomach growls so often nowadays. 

• No more walking on eggshells: It is always difficult to live in a state where you have to think about what’s going to happen next. You live in a state of terror as your world is always upside down. Now, instead of occupying your mind too much, congratulations, you can be yourself now. 

• Empowerment: It is one of the blessings in the world when you move out of the web, that blurs your vision. You are allowed to be yourself. See the world , the people along the way as they are. In this way, you are allowed to set up boundaries and trust yourself more as the days go by. No more tension. No more drama. No one to please is a relief, isn’t it?

• Power of intuition: The biggest blessing of reclaiming personal power is to learn how to trust your intuition. You can easily see the red flags. You no longer ignore or excuse them. You become super prone to protect yourself from any toxic behaviours and abuse. 

I know how difficult it gets as you adjust to new changes along the way. It’s frustrating as it takes years to realize that your years of hard work and hope for a better relationship with the narcissist fails. It brings tears to think but you have to accept it. Once you learn to do so, you are ready to walk into a new chapter of your life.